If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
