I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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