her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
