i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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