nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
