I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
