I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
