Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
