If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
