Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I booty called her while she was in labor.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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