imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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