Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
