Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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