Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Randomize
