i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
