Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
