I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
