I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
