I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
