There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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