He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
