So drunk, too bad you don't want this
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
