I just cut my nipple shaving
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
