We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize