I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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