Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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