Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
