Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
