i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
