the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
