Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
