Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
