Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
