how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
they need to just BURY HIM!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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