my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
