Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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