my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
