decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
