Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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