Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize