Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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