you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
