I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
