Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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