barbara walters just said penis...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
