She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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