It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
