My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Never underestimate the power of titties
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