I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize