So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize