god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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