i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
