Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
