Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
