I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
