Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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