We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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