i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
