I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
