There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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