You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Randomize