If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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