it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
