we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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