I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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