the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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