Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You are the jesus of drinking
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize