HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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