The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
