keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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