i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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