i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
