my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
