I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
