My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
i think im in europe. pls send help
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
